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30 January 2010 @ 11:53 am
My time here as come to an end...

Livejournal has served me well the past couple of years, but I've always found it quite isolating to use compared to a lot of blog-websites i've seen.

Therefore now my subscription has expired, I've decided to take blogging to my own website, where hopefully I'll become more active with my writing... something I've not done much of the past year.

Thank you everyone who has supported me, and I really hope you will continue to do so in my future posts.

All can be found @ Blade376.com

See you there!

-Myles Dyer x

07 November 2009 @ 09:18 pm
Honest Onus

Attempt to wash away this numbness all over me,
But these waters; a reflection of my stark reality.
Time to understand, Time to take a stand.
Wish that this moment could all be just a dream.

Morals are truly tested, when the decision is made yours,
Principle takes new perspective: I’m uncertain, unsure.
Time to understand, Time to take a stand.
Wish it wasn’t so hard, to choose from all these doors.

And I wish I could sing these words,
So conviction would truly be heard.
But your voice shall suffice.
And I’ll stand back and realize,

That from this perspective,
I can become more objective.
But your advice shall suffice.
And in one way or the other... I will pay the price.
Current Mood: restlessrestless
"This is the duty of our generation as we enter the twenty-first century -- solidarity with the weak, the persecuted, the lonely, the sick, and those in despair. It is expressed by the desire to give a noble and humanizing meaning to a community in which all members will define themselves not by their own identity but by that of others." - Elie Wiesel

At the age of 18 I decided it was right to step up to the system within my school, and speak out for justice. It was when I took the platform I realize I was fighting for justice alone, but the strength inside me came from the fact I knew the action I commenced in was right.

The following is how the speech was written in front of me, but because I was so passionate, I spoke it word for word from memory.

Good morning, judges, teachers, and students. I’d first like to point out that what I am about to say is exercising my freedom of speech, whilst remaining constructive and precise.

As senior members of the school, we are obliged to ensure that a good impression is given to those lower down in the school. It is a fact.

However, although it is a good initiative to take, I personally feel that we are taking too much of this ‘responsibility’.
Today I am here to talk to you all about, how I feel, as a senior member of the school, that not enough is being done elsewhere.

I wish to speak to you on a few areas I believe are important to all those concerned: Zero tolerance within the school, serious issues within the school, and a third point that will be addressed when we come to it in this speech.

I hope that by the end of the speech, the evidence I present will convince you that the school needs to improve its structure.
Zero tolerance within the school: Quoted from the school’s student planner about hair:

‘For boys, it must be clean around the ears and off the collar. No grade 2 or below. They are expected to be clean-shaven.’
‘For girls, long hair must be kept tidy with a minimum of accessories.’

It then states ‘Please note that should you refuse to co-operate with the requests of staff concerning the state of your hair, strict sanctions such as suspension from school may apply.’  

I believe it is good to be neat and tidy, and the school makes it clear here that if you do not comply, you will be suspended until you take action.

We have been told in an end of year assembly upper-six last year, that if we are to come back this year with shirts hanging out, untidy hair, we do not have a place in the school. I quote: ‘Go to the reception at the front of the school, and state you are not coming back.'

Perhaps when I show you some of the more serious issues within the school that have occurred, you may see the previous example as being ‘a bit of a joke’.  

Although this point is quite short, I shall be making many references back to ‘Zero tolerance’ throughout this speech.

Serious issues within the school: What would you class as a serious issue? The previous example seems to be taken very seriously by the school, with the possible outcome of suspension being present.

Personally, I believe serious issues are not about the way you look, but about the way you are treated. “Bullying”, to me is a serious issue!

Looking back in the Senior Student Planner, I have found that is explains the different types of bullying, and what should be done if it occurs.

The rule on hair has a section highlighted in bold stating the possibility of suspension. However, in the section about bullying, the only word in bold is SHARED, which shows you how the issue is seen by the school.
Although it states (not in bold I must add), ‘Any pupil responsible for bullying will not be welcome at the school’, I can show you of examples of where bullying has occurred, and very little, if anything has been done to enforce the quotation I have just stated.
The following incident that I present to you has occurred within the school. Spitting in another pupil’s eye would be considered ‘physical bullying’. Allegedly, when reported, all that was said is that the bully of concern is in a family that contributes a lot to the school, and therefore no action will be taken to remove such a disgrace.
Yes, bullying is dealt with, in this school….Yes sometimes the victim does not want action to be taken due to the possibility of the bully seeking revenge…But ladies and gentlemen, this victim called for action, and nothing was done.

Remember the three C’s mentioned in the Student Planner: Courtesy, consideration, and common sense? Where is the courtesy and consideration of not taking any action for the victim? Where is the common sense in letting the bully get away with it?  
Verbal bullying such as name calling has occurred many times, and some of which have been ‘serious issues’. Have those of concern been removed from the school? Have any been punished significantly? Of course not!

We are being told not to come back to the school if we are not prepared to dress tidily, yet when people have been caught with dealing illegal substances within the school, it is kept all quiet and suspension is given for just a couple of days.  
Bullying like any evil, can start off small and then like a virus, multiplies over time into a much bigger and more serious problem; that is when it is too late to do anything. So when people report small problems, we would be told ‘see how it goes’ or ‘don’t make such a big deal out of it’.

In the time I have been here in the school since 1998, at least 2 pupils have left due to bullying. This is due to the fact they could take no more. So what impression are we giving here? That those being bullied should be forced to leave and not those who bully? I rest my case.
‘So where is this going?’ I hear some of you ask. What has the comment I made about us being obliged to display an example to a lower school got to do with these minor and serious issues?
Well, my third point is about reputation, which I believe is what the school is constructed of, and how reputation affects the minds of 6th formers.

Reputation and how 6th formers are affected: Now don’t get me wrong, this is a good school. It has great teaching and good facilities etc. We are currently 30th best school on the independent league table. That’s great! Achievements are being made. I agree that this speech is very critical, but that doesn’t mean I do not think the school is a good one 

It is when you look at the great surroundings; lots and lots of potted plants being put up everywhere, newly laid grass, and the school cress sown onto the seats of gym equipment… you may ask like I do; are such material achievements important? It has been said that it is what’s on the inside that counts right?  
The point of this speech has been to inform you that there are many issues within the school that are being neglected…Is this only because people from outside school looking in won’t see the large problems such a bullying. What they will see however, is scruffy shirts and less than conventional hairstyles. But on that matter, if you look back at the time when you visited the school and looked around, if you saw someone with long hair, a neat beard, or a collar undone, would you have chosen to go elsewhere? Obviously this is a ‘risk’ the school does not think it worth taking.
‘Laws are like spiders’ webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape.’

That is a quote from the philosopher Solon.

It is also an issue of, are we pawns in this reputation game? Are we being treated like adults?

In general the 6th form don’t feel like they are been treated like adults. We will be told, ‘Act like adults and we will treat you like adults.’ Well that hasn’t worked! So let’s do it this way, the way I think will work; ‘Treat us like adults and we will act like adults.’

This speech isn’t about how action should have been taken, it is about, how can we be expected to stick to petty zero tolerant rules, when much more serious issues are not even been dealt with fully. There are many examples of rules that have frustrated member of the 6th form, and the following are just a few:

Example ‘a’: Pupils much shave and teachers do not have to.

Example ‘b’: You cannot leave school premises during free period. We are told the reason for this is, this is a school, not a college….I’ll leave that for you to decide whether or not this is a ‘half decent reason’.  

Example ‘c’: Smoking – Yes…the reason we are told not to smoke in school, is because it is a bad example to those lower down in the school. Well, those who take the time to walk out of the school grounds for a smoke are still punished! But taking the effort to leave the grounds is allowing both sides of the coin to be satisfied. The smokers have the ability to satisfy their addiction, while at the same time not

influencing lower members of the school. I mean surely there is no 1st year with a pair of binoculars looking out of the school!
This speech is not about hypocrisy. It is about equality. I am speaking on behalf of the 6th form that many have stated their frustrations with how the system works, and how the school’s priorities are not right.
Why do I stand here some of you ask? Well firstly you cannot get about 150 members of the 6th form on stage can you? And also, if you were to bring up any of these issues with members of the school council, can you honestly tell me you think it would be dealt with?

I represent the true voice of the 6th form, and I leave you with this, from the Greek philosopher Socrates:  
‘What you cannot enforce, do not command.’

Thank you.
 “Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before.” -  Erich Fromm

It has been quite some time since my last entry, so I guess the question could be “Why?” and “Where have you been Myles?” Well the second question is a good one, and upon reflection make me think ‘where on earth do I start?’ This of course would then consequently answer the first question.

I believe to write a constructive journal, you must have significant events happening in your life, whether the events are physical occurrences, or internal creations of inspired thought. Like everything in life, there is a spectrum, and in this case, one extreme would be to have an uneventful and uninspiring life in which you would not feel a need to write anything. The other extreme is to have so much going on, that you don’t have time to reflect in a written form… that is how it has been for me.

Right now I don’t know if I could possibly begin to explain how my life has been. Huge changes have occurred, begun to happen, and are waiting in the future… It is scary and when I say to myself “this must be the most pivotal point in my life” I then realise I’ve been saying so for the past 3 years. This has been one long journey where I go from having naiveties about particular things in life, to have fuller understandings and experience.

I feel very on edge at the moment, and even when I don’t, people tell me that I look unhappy. I definitely feel happy; just concerned and very focused.

With my family moving to the USA by the end of September/November, I need to find a company that will sponsor me over there so I can get a work visa… so far no luck. If I am to stay in the UK, I need to get a job other than construction (for my job is only temporary and won’t be around much longer) and also a place to live. Trying to work out my options, there are many there, but none seem to be responding nor giving me any hope.

My family is very stressed, especially my dad, as he has a lot on his mind right now; from his mother who is currently becoming weaker every day from the nasty essence that is dementia. I try to stay out of his way constantly, just because any time I try and help, I receive huffs and frustrated verbal abuse – I understand his stress, so I let it happen, but a part of me calls out inside saying ‘I deserve better than this’. I am going to ride it out.

My mother is very worried about it all, for it’s in her nature – clearing out the house and sorting out everything like my dad, they are both doing great jobs, but the stress is showing and amplifies upon my brother and I… who don’t have has much responsibility of course, but want to help all the same. My mum keeps speaking of whether or not leaving the country is ‘meant to be’, for all the struggles that have been occurring – including the kitchen sink pipe bursting last night causing most of downstairs to flood. One thing I do hugely consider from time to time is ‘destiny’ and in this case it really has been playing on my mind. It’s interesting how I saw my family staying in the UK while I went to live in America, but in this case the complete opposite is going.

I’ve sold my drum kit now, quit a band I had fun being with, worrying about how to deal with all the people I wish to say goodbye to in such little time. I know the world has been made so much smaller with the internet (something I preach a lot), but if I was to leave, I feel on a spiritual level I will experience a great sense of isolation. For 22 years I have lived in the south east of England, and no matter where I travel in the world I know what ‘home’ is. But now I move to America, I feel like ‘Wow, I am really just a small being moving freely across the planet, with no true fixation and with no true home’ – Home is a mental creation, and this representation is definitely warping in my mind right now. I hope that explanation made sense.

I spoke early on about this transition from naivety… Especially in the past year I have learnt a lot about human nature, myself, and the world’s function as a whole. To be honest the majority of it I have disliked (yes even the ‘myself’ aspects), but I am learning these are just things in life we have to tolerate, and try to resolve. The more I investigate in life, the more disappointed I end up becoming, because I start to realise the majority of what we see with our eyes, is painted with a perception and belief that is an illusion. Whether we were to talk about free-will, or politics, or the entertainment industry, or what a ‘friend’ says behind my back… what happens happens, and I just have to make do with what I can.

I know this journal has been a huge ramble, but as stated in the introduction, I don’t know where to start, and to be honest… I don’t know where to end… So perhaps now would be a good point?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman
18 July 2009 @ 12:24 am

Legacy Outlives the Soul

And we can still achieve so much
But should not become complacent;
For if we are to stay in touch
With humanitarian needs, we must…

Break away from all we know that isn’t right.
Ensure our goals are forever kept in sight
Never fear of excelling to a state of cognitive flight.
It is time to go out and she some light.

Together we must stay focused
On what we hope long term prosperity to show!
Should not matter how long it takes us,
For human legacy can outlive human soul.

And we can still achieve so much
But should not become complacent;
For if we are to stay in touch
With humanitarian needs, we must…

Double exposure by telling just one person what you believe,
And let them then do the same: Plant the seed!
If your idea benefits common good, then wait and see
Nature will take its course: Resolution is then conceived.

Now! Can you see the horizon brighten?
No? Then we will try again and again!
Now! Do you believe you can shape the world?
Yes? Then we shall fight this out until the end!

And we can still achieve so much
But should not become complacent;
For if we are to stay in touch
With humanitarian needs, we must…

Keep fighting until the end!
Keep fighting until the end!
Keep fighting until the end!
For what is right: We shall defend!

*Spoken Word over sound of heavy knocking at door*
Female voice in despair: W-w-what should we do? They are at the door! And they won’t stop knocking!
*Sound of door breaking down*
Female voice almost broken down: Oh no! I’m so scared! What should we do?
Calm male voice: Open the door

And we can still achieve so much
But should not become complacent;
For if we are to stay in touch
With humanitarian needs, we must… UNITE!

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
15 July 2009 @ 01:02 am

“There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.” - Tom Krause

Above stands one of my all time favorite quotes and it is one that summarizes the trip I had in the United States of America the past couple of weeks. What started off as a journey inspired with feelings towards a particular individual (causing me ask everyone else I hoped to see elsewhere in the country to wait another year), became a week of shear awkwardness and ludicrous circumstance. The plan was to see this person for a week in their hometown of Las Vegas, and then heading out to New York City together for a week at the You Tube gathering “789” – Sounds like a good plan right?

As expressed in a previous entry written on the first night I was there, things looked harsh and tainted instantly. However after the second day of holding my breath, hope shined through and I felt stable with my situation. It is a shame to declare now that was the only day I felt comfortable with the person I visited, hoping to see what would happen. There was hope for a solid friendship to form, and if anything else progressed – well that would have been more than I expected.

However expectation cannot play a part in this story, because it was shattered by a series of absolutely insane events, that make me look back and ask myself “How the f**k did I get through all that sane?” The concept of ‘everything happens for a reason’ is one I’ve debated within my heart and mind my entire life, and the idea became more significant to me as the week progressed.

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise” – Oscar Wilde

On independence day I had to leave the home, which I was happy with, and although a friend I was hoping to meet ditched me, I met some amazing people at a casino bar, who later that evening took me to an 80s show for free! When hoping to be picked up by my Las Vegas host (friend) afterwards, text and voicemail failed leaving me with no where to stay, except with the strangers I met that night.

I would love to discuss the story on this entry, but being jetlagged still I think I will put such on hold. What I will say is true colors have been shown to me on this trip. This person presents many features that would cause the average human to jump on stereotypes and have negative beliefs: However I stood back and took them for who they were in the months we spoke online, and although she came across as a fantastic individual, by the end of the trip I learned she was a self-inflicted fabrication who has some social-tests to overcome in future.

“The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that.” - Pearl Bailey

Whether it is hoping to go to a public You Tube gathering to prove her critics wrong, by actually supporting the stereotype she portrays, or saying she takes physical-actions seriously before getting with a 17 year old – she has done herself no service. And I am confident in saying I want nothing more to do with this person ever again.

When I look at the whole picture, I see it as 2 girls done, and 1 more to go! (3rd time lucky right?) The first girl made me believe more strongly in women’s rights, and how cheaters can always change – she later showed me through actions ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’, and that her exercise of women’s rights is to sleep around without respectful responsibility. As for the 2nd girl, well I’ve explained her contradictions: She made me believe that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, but taught me pre-judgments can be a clear warning of what is to come.

Life has its lessons, and I sure am learning: One at a time, girl by girl…

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” – No Name

Current Mood: tiredtired
04 July 2009 @ 02:23 am

“Exploration is really the essence of the human spirit.” - Frank Borman

Today was a chilled one, in which I stayed in whilst my friend was at work. Without being able to drive, I spent my time look at Las Vegas and all the things I hope to do this week. I’m sure many of you would be screaming right now “Casinos!!!” and I need to let you know, I am fully aware of their presence haha!

Unfortunately I’m legally allowed to drive a car until I’m 25, being a visitor from overseas, so my mobility is very limited. However if I ever get the chance to go places, this is what is at the top of my list:

-         Casinos: Okay, I’ve mentioned it! (Happy now? Haha) I don’t hope to spend much, but I do want to experience the wrath of some of the most superior casinos in the world. I definitely know my limit!

-         “Insanity”: This is a ride on top of the tallest building in Las Vegas named the ‘Stratosphere’. Sitting in a chair that is hung out 64 feet over the edge of the 900ft drop, you get spun at 3Gs… FANTASTIC!

-         The Grand Canyon: I really want to go here, but it’s whether or not I’m going to be able to find someone who could take me there for the day! I hear there is a glass platform that extends over the edge and for me that would be a great experience, and vlogging opportunity!

-         Photoshoot: I’ve always wanted to be a part of one, and Morgan said she could arrange it, so may be able to tick that one off my “365 days in 30 ways” list!

-         Black widow territory: Within 1hour of arriving at my accommodation I came across a web that belongs to the deadly black widow spider. There was no sign of the spider itself, and so before I leave this area I hope to encounter one up close, but not too close!

This trip is going to be amazing for sure, even if it was glossed with disappointment and emotionally-challenging concerns on the first night. Whenever you feel like you are in darkness, keep searching, and you will find the light!

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
03 July 2009 @ 06:01 am

“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

As my fingers stroke across this keyboard, my heart pounds, and my mind thrashes about trying to make sense of the world I am currently in. For weeks now I have been unsure of whether or not a trip to Las Vegas was a ‘good idea’ due to reasons I shall not disclose, even when on the 10 hour flight over. Having not slept in 2 days, and it being 5.40am back at home (9.40pm local time), I realise that if I go with my mind – this trip will be amazing and I will have a great time with the online friend I came to visit. (Yes you’ve got it! Another heart vs mind dilemma explanation is approaching!) If I go with my heart, I feel completely useless, stupid, and out of control, with no realistic hope of ever putting things right, based on destructive actions in my past. 

I hate to discuss this so abstractly with no specifics, but the details are not what is important in this entry. The fact I feel my whole body quivering on emotive thoughts, and not the air-conditioning – and the fact I wish more than ever in my life that I could put things right. I had an opportunity to have something special with the most amazing person I have ever met (well technically just met today), and already it appears it wasn’t meant to be. However I cannot grasp that concept: I just can’t.

“When sadness comes, just sit by the side and look at it and say, “I am the watcher, I am not sadness,” and see the difference. Immediately you have cut the very root of sadness. It is no more nourished. It will die of starvation. We feed these emotions by being identified with them.” - Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

I feel alone, pathetic, inadequate and out of control: and there is nothing I can do. Nothing! I so wish I could just go with my mind right now for the rest of this trip, to ensure the $1,500 doesn’t pay for a week and a half of total misery – but my heart beats fast as always when I am emotively invested in a situation, to such a large degree.

For once in my life also, I could without question put my hands up and say “Please, anyone out there who sees me for who I am – please don’t let me be alone.” My heart pumps so much love to give – but it seems only to cause my eyes to pump out so many tears, as I type these final words.

“Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.” – No Name

Current Mood: restlessrestless
28 June 2009 @ 01:17 am

I have to admit, I am not very happy with these lyrics, as I didn't get to capture how I feel as well as I wanted - been feeling really low lately, and had a lot going on. However I wanted to through this out there to hear your thoughts as always!

*Spoken* It is possible for one to be told a lesson, but this can only achieve awareness.
For if one is to really learn; then experience endured is the true teacher. *Spoken*

Standing before you, my heart is filled with overwhelming regret.
Why did I do it? Why can’t I change the past?
My reality has been torn down, but through the gaps that are left,
There’s no exit, or chance to go back in time.

Integrity: Is not what you see – actions paint clearer pictures than words.
Faith in me: Is what I need – for the future is more variable than the past.

The pain I endured last year, did not fucking kill me;
Can you not see!? I am still standing.
She injected so much pain into a soul
And now I realise fragments of it still remain.

Integrity: Is not what you see – actions paint clearer pictures than words.
Faith in me: Is what I need – for the future is more variable than the past.

Today I stood outside, with mind outstretched wide.
And through insight, with myself I did confide.
Then looking out to nature, praying for a sign


The wind harshly blows, whilst the tree’s strength does oppose.
And this clearly portrays a new illustration of what I already know.

I may contain inside ruthless regret, and edged on becoming the person I hate.
But every action has a consequence, and through action, and human nature, I can regenerate.
Please be patient, and forgiving, for I promise it will be worth the wait.
I am so deeply sorry, and now dejected in a self-loathing state.
Current Mood: draineddrained
18 June 2009 @ 02:05 am
"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." - No Name

Right now I lie on an airbed, starring up at a wall covered with a collage of imagery, which shows the true character of the person whose room it is. It is filled with notes, drawings, magazine cut-outs (you name it!), and is a fine representation of his life as it evolves with experiences.

I have been so wrapped up with work and a torn heart the past year, that it is finally a breath of fresh air to be free from University for good, and to be able to rebuild my social life once again to a desirable level.

Today I visited Charlie McDonnell (as many of you would know as CHARLIEISSOCOOLLIKE on Youtube), and we haven't hung out that much over the years we have known each other. However, you can tell the quality of a relationship on someone, based on its existence upon engagement, as opposed to its quantity. I am so glad me and Charlie have become good friends, because he has a great heart, and I know he is well grounded with what he does, although surrounded by a lot of attention from the media with his successes. I always knew we got along, but today confirmed it even more, and I really hope him and I can spend more time hanging out in future!

We are both respectful of each other, and have interest and proud-reflections among each other's successes - which is such a great bond to have. I'm really privileged to have him as a friend, and hopefully we will never lose touch, no matter where our paths in life take us!

I now post this journal, and go to sleep, feeling fantastic that not only I have spent the day with the dude, but that I also discovered my university results, stating that I had earned my degree in psychology Bsc (Hons) at level 2:1 - a fantastic achievement!

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
Current Mood: accomplished